Hello everybody!
I know it has been a while. Actually over a year since I wrote anything. It isn't because I haven't had things I want to write because I have a lot I want to write about. It has been one of the most difficult years for me but in that time I have grown and learnt so much. I am going to share a bit of what I have learnt with you today. When I am writing it is where my words and my heart align and I can express things I find difficult to express in person. I have such a love of writing that even words cannot describe - I love writing that much I cannot express it in words (that has made me laugh). Clearly the best writer here can't even express my love of writing. Please read on if you would like to see some more mediocre writing talent.
You may know me or be reading this blog for your first time but either way I have my own unique sense of humour so please don't take anything too seriously unless I am being serious about a topic then feel free to. I am actually about to write about something serious (I know - gasp) but I still have a sense of humour. If you are looking for a factual non - entertaining blog this is not it. It is not like I am trying to be entertaining I am just me but I am sarcastic with a very varied since of humour so just keep that in mind. My writing might actually be boring and if so please go back to scrolling tiktok or whatever you do these days.
If you still stuck around I appreciate you. I write because I have things on my heart I want to write about and if it even helps one person that is great. I write for me because I love it but if you happen to read it, thank you. If not no worries either. Anyway getting back to the topic (sigh of relief) here we go...
Let me start by saying again I had a very difficult year last year. We all go through trials but this one was the biggest one yet. I never realised at the time how much I actually had in life and how much I could lose in just one year. I was already struggling last year but I didn't realise at the time so much more could happen. Which made my initial struggle seem like nothing. What I didn't realise is I actually had so much but was focused on a few things I wasn't happy with. In the months that followed the things that I valued in my life were suddenly gone and after that it was all I could think about.
I never imagined what happened last year could have happened. Sometimes you think things are forever but they are not. We never realise in life what we have at the time until we lose it. That is the key. That is what I want to talk about. We are always looking for this or that and are not satisfied with our current situation but we don't realise our current situation may be blessing compared to what is to come. We also may not realise in this moment we already have a lot if the things we wished for. We are always waiting for what is around the corner but we don't know what it could bring.
Sometimes the things that happen in life are a result of our own choices and sometimes it is beyond our control. Either way it really hurts. While we cannot go back in time to better days we can go forward and create new better days. It is important to take everything with you that you learnt too. Like that quote "If you have always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got." In other words if you keep doing the same thing, you will get the sane result so maybe it is time to change something. Whether it be friendships or jobs or yourself or anything that needs to change.
Maybe then we might turn a better corner. You have also got to decide is it me or my circumstance that needs to change. Sometimes we need to change internally and sometimes it is our external environment. When things happen it makes you question why. Why is this happening to me? How could this happen to me? We can also long to have things back the way they were. Although I have learnt that sometimes things didn't go back to the way they were but at the same time there are always better things on the horizon.
To lose something or many things you never thought you would is very hard. It takes a long time to come to terms with it. We go through a period of grieving and healing. One we thing we need to try do is not isolate ourselves on this healing period and still enjoy what we do have. I still get flashbacks and it still hurts but I am still fighting. One thing is don't give up, keep going. You may not see it now but one day you will be glad you didn't give up.
I have learnt that "the only thing that is forever is You." Your circumstance or some friendships or relationships are not forever so be kind to yourself. Work on you and fill your life with things that are important to you. As as you do that new circumstances and friendships and relationships will come in to your life. I also believe if someone is meant to be in your life they will always find a way back.
If you are struggling right now please hang in there. It is always easy to say focus on what you have not on what you don't and it is not easy to do but if you do look around you already have a lot of good things in your life. You also never know what is coming around the corner and it could be good or bad so stop waiting for it, enjoy what you have now. Some people have a lot less than you and yes some people have more but that doesn't make them happy. As they say "Happiness is found within it is not based on our circumstance." Find the happiness within in you, it isn't easy but you will get there.
Be you and the right people will love you for you,
With that I shall love and leave you,
Until I write again,
Nicola Hill
