What I've learnt in 30 years

I wrote a blog post on this blog when I was 25 called "What I've learnt in 25 years."

You can read it here:

http://nicolathewriter.blogspot.com/2014/05/what-ive-learnt-in-25-years.html

That's all I wanted to say, I haven't learnt anything new now that I am 30. Therefore that's what I've learnt in 30 years too. I just decided to stop learning because at 25 you know everything. It's the same when you're 16 or 18 and you think you know everything. The truth is in life you are constantly learning and growing. It does not stop. As you get older, you actually realise how different you are compared to when you were younger. How much differently you value things and how your outlook on the world changes and how you as a person are different.

I've had quite a few topics on my mind recently that I want to write about and I am going to write more blog posts but I thought I can include some of it in this post. I didn't know what kind of blog post I wanted to write tonight but then I thought I have turned the big 3-0 this year in April (April 14th to be exact - add it to your calendar haha) and I haven't written about my wisdom now that I am 30. I am just pretending I have wisdom, you have to gain something from turning 30 right? On a serious note, yes I am more serious now I am 30 (let's all laugh together) but on a serious note you do learn more and more as the years goes by. I am just sharing what I have learnt in my life so far.

Let me start with Friendship. I thank God for the people in my life and the new people that come in to my life. I have met and continue to meet such amazing people from all sorts of places and backgrounds on this journey. I will write more about friendship in another post but this is a highlight.

In life what you value in friends changes. We all want people that we get along with, that we can rely on, that make effort and that we can talk to. Having a laugh with friends is one of the most wonderful things too! The greatest thing I have learnt about friendship is like with any relationships is it takes work. Another thing I have learnt too is that it takes patience. People are not available all the time but friends will make time for you when they can. One of the most important things about friendship is that it takes effort from both sides.

I have also learnt that you and your friends are not perfect. Sometimes you go through struggles with your friends and sometimes you know a true friend when you've been through a lot and you're still friends. A lot of people look or expect this great friendship from someone but no one is perfect and it's also about what you are giving to your friendships too - friendship is a two way street. One of the other most important things about friendship is listening. Always listen to the whole story. Sometimes you need to hear everything, you don't know what someone is going through or what they are trying to explain. You don't know where they are coming from if you don't listen.

Everybody is friend-worthy. Remember that. No matter who you are the best thing is to be yourself. People who will value you for you are the type of friends you want. Never think that you don't deserve a friend or you aren't cool enough or whatever you think - you deserve great people in your life who love you for who you are! Never value your worth from people that don't see your worth. Have people around you that build you up not bring you down.

Next let's go on to Relationships. I've done online dating. I've been on quite a few dates this year and over the years and I've found what I looked for in a person when I was younger to now has changed. I've learnt that choosing a person to spend the rest of your life with should never be a rushed decision. Don't date someone just because you are lonely. Don't date someone you don't see it working out with long term. Don't date someone who you can't trust. Pay attention to any warning signs early on.

One of the most important decisions you will make in your life is who you will spend your life with. Remember with relationships and in life you are not on anyone's timeline. Just because some of your friends or family may be married or are in relationships or have kids doesn't mean you have to hurry up! I am sure you will meet someone great and it will happen but don't rush it. Relationships also take work. The honeymoon period ends. It takes two people working together to keep things together. Be with someone who wants to work with you. Be with someone who brings out the best in you and you can be yourself around and enjoy life with.

Let's talk about good old Work. They say do a job you enjoy. I've met a lot of people who don't enjoy what they do and I have met a lot of people who enjoy what they do. I am happy to have a job I enjoy. Whatever job you are doing I have learnt that there are times you need to work but also make time for life too. As they say work to live, don't live to work.

If you want to do something, do it! I saw this quote below online and I really liked it! I saw it and could relate to it in my life because I started doing things that I've always wanted to do. Whether it's going on new adventures and travelling, finding a new career or job or moving or whatever you want in life - if you make a start and do something it is the best feeling! I always wanted to travel the world more and this year I have been doing that and I am loving it! I've done solo travel too which I will write more about in another post sometime.

It's good to do things, it's also good to be sensible about it. Don't just do things suddenly and end up in debt or worse. Save, wait, do. They say don't make big life decisions when you are having a bad day or unhappy either. Do things that are going to help you. Remember you have the power. You can change your life. 

Don't take things at surface value. Things can appear good but after looking into to them, you may realise it's not what it appears. It actually reminds me of this meme I saw once of  a chocolate chip cookie but it was a raisin cookie! I always remember it because I am not the biggest fan of raisins and I would be unpleasantly surprised to find my chocolate chip cookie turned out to have raisins instead of chocolate chips. Be careful in life too, you may think you are eating a chocolate chip cookie but it's actually a raisin cookie! It can applied to people or situations or anything! If you actually like raisin cookies (really?)  just imagine a different example. I've actually just googled memes on it. See below, you're welcome.

Next let's talk about what I've learnt about Gratitude. I came to the Uk over 9 years ago and I didn't know what it would bring. Looking at my life now, I am so thankful for how it has turned out. I have had some tough times here too but I'm here, I'm happy and I'm thankful. In life we spend so much time hoping for certain things to turn out exactly how we picture them and we spend too much time thinking about the future and how things could turn out but think about the moments you are in now and all you have too. It's not about looking at life and measuring our lives by what we don't have but it's about looking around and seeing all the things we have to be grateful for. If you just think about your life you will find there is so much to be thankful for already!

I know we can easily say this but there are so many people in this world who would be so thankful for the life you have! I grew up in Zimbabwe, in a country that faced and still faces a lot of problems. There are other countries that are war zones. There are other countries where it's just a struggle to survive because of poverty. There are so many different struggles in this world. The little things you think you have, someone somewhere around the world could be praying for.

We will always want more or wish things would work out a certain way or we think about things that didn't work out but it's like that quote says it's not happy people who are thankful, it's thankful people who are happy. We find that happiness doesn't come in getting what we want but in appreciating what we have. I like this quote: Have an attitude of gratitude.

Life goes fast, treasure the moments! You know one day I was turning 20 and then I woke up the next day and I was 30. Life does go fast but there are great moments we have and we should treasure each one! One thing we know is we are all going to get older. I had some great fun in my 20's and I feel like my 30's will be the same or even more so because I think by the time you are 30 you know more of who you are. You get to know yourself more. There will always be great things I want to do! The things you enjoy definitely change throughout the years! What you liked when you were younger you don't like as much now or you like completely different things.

Thank God for these 30 years plus a few months so far. I write about God in my blog posts because God is an important part of my life. Without God I wouldn't be where I am now. I've had my ups and I've had my downs in life and God's helped me through it all. I've had my lowest points when I've felt further away from God. We never know when our lives will end, we do know that we all die one day. We've lost people already in this life and it has hurt. It makes you think sometimes that this life can't be it, there has to be more right? Whether you believe in God or not, I do and it's part of who I am.

Speaking of highs and lows - it's important to share how you are feeling. I know people going through struggles and if that's you too, talk to someone whether it's a friend, family member, therapist anyone you can confide in. Try do something you enjoy, spend time with people you enjoy, get some fresh air in nature! Eat a raisin cookie! Wait what?! Don't do that! If you want to talk to me, you can too.  Another thing I learnt from going through things myself at times in the last 30 years is that: Feeling low doesn't last forever and there are good things around the corner! Hang in there!

One amazing thing I have learnt in 30 years is the importance of loving others! I love people. I love that everybody is different. I love the unique things about the people I know that make up who they are. Everybody wants to be loved and feel loved. Love the people in your life! Don't buy them raisin cookies! Ok I know enough about the raisins now! I actually do eat raisins sometimes and I totally ok with you liking raisins, a dehydrated grape - yummy! I just like bringing it into the blog post for fun. I eat most things, some things I just don't like as much as others.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah loving people. Yeah just love them. Thank you. If you love me you will... NO! Love without conditions. Love unconditionally. People who love each other don't buy each other raisins. Woah where did that come from? I thought we were over that now! Excuse my horrible sense of humour. That's another thing about being me I have learnt in 30 years, I let my sense of humour out a lot more than in my younger years. I am just me. I can't be anyone else. I say and do the incredibly intelligent, amazing and never stupid things because I am me! (I do some stupid things sometimes). I am clumsy, I make mistakes, I fall over. Have you ever tripped up the stairs? That's me too sometimes but hey I am me. Another thing I have learnt is Be You!

In Summary some things I have learnt are:

Everybody is friend-worthy.
You are not on anyone's timeline.
If you want to do something, do it! 
Don't take things at surface value.
You can change your life. 
Have an attitude of gratitude.
Life goes fast, treasure the moments.
Feeling low doesn't last forever and there are good things around the corner. Hang in there!
Be You!

And:
It's ok to like raisins and it's ok not to like raisins (phew that's settled)! 

I pray that God blesses you in your life. Know that God is there for you anytime, not just to pray about things or ask for things to but also to talk to too. You are never alone. May you find peace in your life.

I saw this online tonight and I really like it. I hope you get to or are at this place:

. 

With that I shall love and leave you,
God Bless always,
Until I write again,
Nicola Hill

The Background Story About My Writing

I wanted to write tonight and it was a very promising start. I got my laptop and then I went to turn it on and it had a blue screen and said erasing something and I thought "oh no" but it has turned on now which is good! I am actually home as I write this which is a place I have not been a lot recently, however we will get in to that in another blog post.

First I want to bore you with a bit of the background story about my writing. I don't always write that often but I write when I can and when I feel inspired, you may have even have forgotten who I am! Or you may be hoping my writing has improved over time, well we all hope for a lot of things we don't get. I am going to give you a bit of background about my writing now - are you ready? 

I first found my love of writing by writing poetry. I have written over 100, maybe over 200 poems in my life so far. Some of my poems are on my blog. I still love writing poetry and I have written poems for people too and in cards.

I did a lot of writing in my teenage years. I kept diaries as a teenager, some of which I still have and I wrote about my day to day life and poems and stories and about my feelings. I felt a lot of hurt and had a lot of struggles as a teenager and I found writing in diaries about my feelings really helped me. It helped me as a way of expressing myself. I could write about topics and express things that I couldn't always say. 

I started writing a book when I was about 17 - unpublished officially but I did self publish it and put it on Amazon Kindle. I had left high school and I was deciding what I wanted to do and my book kept me busy. It was fun to write and by writing it I felt it gave me a purpose at the time. I added a bit about Zimbabwe and things that went on there and created a fictional story around it. I do have a blog post on this blog about my book. I always find it hard to describe what my book is about to anyone who asks.

In the midst of the troubles we had in Zimbabwe at the time and deciding what to do with my life - writing my book gave me an escape. I told a few people that I was writing a book but I didn't really share it with many people and a few years ago I decided to put my book on Amazon Kindle because I thought what was the point of just keeping it all these years. I put my book on kindle exactly as I wrote it which probably wasn't the best idea as it needs a lot of correcting. I wanted to get it officially published but I never got around to completing it fully and correcting everything for it to be published. I did actually email it to a publisher once since I have been in the Uk. If you search on Amazon for "Home Sweet Home Nicola Hill" you should find my book on Amazon Kindle. I would love write more books in the future and I plan to.

I moved to England when I was 20 and started my first blog. It was a blog to update everyone on what I'm up to in England and other countries. It is called A Fresh Start - my news blog. I still write on this blog. I gave a highlight reel of my news last year. You can read about the exciting life of Nicola Hill. I thought it would be a good way to share with everyone what I'm up to as you don't always manage to update everyone individually.  

Later on I started another blog, my writing blog. This is where I write about any topics I feel inspired to write about. This is the blog,  the masterpiece you have before you now called Home Sweet Home. Or maybe the back of a cereal box is more interesting. Home Sweet Home was first the title of the book I wrote. I called this blog Home Sweet Home because wherever I am writing from is my Home Sweet Home because it is a place I feel comfortable in and happy to write. Writing also makes me feel Home Sweet Home. I think writing makes me feel at home because I feel this peace and happiness when I write. I go into my own world. 

I am really thankful that I have the opportunity to write and share my writing. If you would like to browse my blog please feel free! I like to inspire people through my writing. I write about things I care about or topics I'm interested in or anything I feel like. I write poems, I write about my family. I write about people. I write about being a Christian and God. Thank God that I can write and for my love of writing. I write about a lot of things because I am me. Our backgrounds, our lives, our experiences and ideas are what makes us as a writer. We can all write something. 

It's become a lot easier since people used feather pens and ink pots to write, now we have all this technology that helps us share our writing with people all over the world! Am I the best writer? I am not trying to be the best writer. I write because I love to. Sure I make mistakes and errors in grammar or other things sometimes or a lot of the time. I am certainly not perfect but I don't aim to be. I correct where I can, I do what I can. 

I have written previously that some of my topics may not be everyone's cup of tea but I do encourage everyone to keep reading my whole blog post and then see what you think. We all have different beliefs and views of the world and I write about mine. I am me (I actually have a poem called I am me too). If you would like to leave feedback anytime, you can. You can also subscribe to my blog by email if you dare. You can follow me on twitter and tweet to me. 

I love to write. Yes I know I needed to put that in bold because it wasn't obvious at all. I do though, it's the best feeling! This is a bit of The Background Story About My Writing. 

When I started this blog post I had a few topics in mind but I didn't actually have a title for it right away. I just started writing and it made me think about telling you a bit about my writing and here we have a blog post! I love how that happens!

I also have other things I want to write about, I always do! I know lucky you, you will get more of this! In the meantime, feel free to have a look around if you wish, I have a number of topics on here. 

This is my blog: 

Home Sweet Home - Here is where I am sharing my love of writing with you all.

With that,

I shall love and leave you,

Until I write again,

Nicola Hill

Rest

I always have things in my heart that I want to write about but none of it really takes form until later. Today's topic is "Rest". 

We live in a world where things are moving at such a fast pace. We have work, commitments, friends, household duties, shopping and that's just part of it. Everything takes up so much time and energy. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. This non-stop life with a fraction of time for the things we want to do. We want to get things done, we want to do fun things, we don't want to sit around and do nothing.

I felt this a lot in my own life lately. There was always things to do and I wasn't taking enough time for myself to rest. The result is that I felt both mentally and physically exhausted most of the time. As much as I love people and I love keeping busy, I didn't take that time to rest. I'm still recovering actually.

I went through a breakup last month and since then I've just kept myself super busy. I've had some great moments, it's not like I've only been feeling tired but I've felt a lot more tired than usual most days. Not only that I've had so much on my mind, I haven't been sleeping on most days either. You will be amazed what a lack of sleep can do to your life. It affects your concentration, your mood, your thoughts, your energy, everything.

When we are young we have an abundance of energy and time. I remember in my teenage years how much time I had to meet friends for coffee or make plans or do anything that I wanted to do. I remember I had so much more energy too. In those days we take that for granted. In our adult life our time gets consumed, most of it by work and commitments and a bit for friends/ activities.

What gave me the greatest time where I was able to rest last month was a solo trip to Madrid where I stayed in a hostel for my first time. It was great to switch off and explore a new place and meet new people. It was just nice being away from the normal routine of things. Sometimes travel is good for that, it gives you a nice break away.

You need to give yourself a break, you need to rest. It is so important. I can't do everything, I can't reply everyone or send messages all the time or call people all the time or post or like millions of things on social media. I am 30 now this month and something I realised in 30 years of life is life gets so busy. I am busy. There are so many of us who are so busy with our lives and the things we have got to do. I've spoken to people who find this in their own lives. We have all these commitments but where are we finding time for ourselves. Are we resting?

I can happily say today that I did rest. Look at that one day, what an inspiration. This will be one of many hopefully. I rested and I feel rested. I spent time reading and relaxing in the sun. My life got so busy I also didn't give God enough time either but I felt so much more connected to God today.

I want to make changes in my life where I can get more rest and I've already started. You see if you want to rest it's all up to you to make it happen. It's not always about how much you work or not it's about what you do in between, what are you choosing to do in your free time. Does it make you feel rested?

I found a song this morning while lying in my garden in the sun called I Will Rest In You by the Gardiner Sisters. That song really made me think, the closer we are to God the more rested we feel too because our focus is on Him, God at the centre. It's when we get caught up in the busyness (not sure if that's an actual word) of life sometimes that it gets too much.

 This is their song below. They are actually really amazing singers, all sisters, you should look them up on youtube. I am reading a book by them at the moment called Sister Strong by Hailey and Mandi Gardiner. 

Take the time to relax and rest! Put your feet up! Go on a vacation! Exercise! Spend more time with your family and friends! Read a book! Listen to music! Go to church! Pray! Read your bible! Do whatever you need that makes you feel rested. Take time for you.

I hope you have all had a nice relaxing weekend and feel rested, except my friends in healthcare where we work weekends, no rest for us.  I am only joking. I was actually off this weekend. I do 14 hour shifts. Whether you worked or not, I hope you do take the time out of your "busy" schedule to rest, it will make you feel a lot better.

This blog post was brought to you by the switch off, relax and rest society writing about common sense that we should do as adults but don't.

It's funny how sometimes it's just simple things we need to do but we don't do. It just shows how the smallest things in life can make the biggest difference.

With that I will love and leave you,
Until I write again,
I shall give you some rest between by blog posts (but not too long),
Nicola Hill

Suffering

Happy 2019! I thought I would start my first blog post of 2019 with the title "Suffering". What a great way to start a new blog post for the new year! That word really brings such warmth and makes you feel great. It's like a hot drink on a cold night. I don't really believe that by the way, it's not a word that inspires warmth but it is necessary. Most of what people write in the new year are things like new year, new you! You can do anything! Reach for the stars! Or whatever. Then you get someone like me talking about suffering. You're welcome. Nothing like a bit of a depressing topic to start the new year off. As I say with most of my blog posts you just have to keep reading. I hope my blog posts actually don't depress you. I don't consider this a depressing topic actually and if you keep reading you may find out why.

Let's hope everyone has the year their social media shows most of the time - life is great and there is no trouble and they just have fun. Wow amazing. A trouble free life, people living it up. We all know though this is not the reality sometimes. It's the same outside of social media - in this place called the world. People who are struggling do that thing where they put on a "brave face". They will smile at people, they will act normal whatever their normal is, meanwhile they don't feel it. Or it could be that someone is openly going through a tough time and you can see they are struggling and seem down about life.

Well you know life is to be lived! That might make you want to slap me at this point. I actually just wrote that to be annoying because I know it is annoying. You don't want to hear that kind of stuff when you are not feeling it. All this positive rubbish. You might feel a bit concerned where this blog post going. Am I going to tell people to be comfortable with being negative, encourage heartache, encourage depression, encourage suffering? Of course.... not.

When you suffer it's like someone bringing you a healthy meal but you are already full of all the junk food you have been eating. Both forms of food fill you up but one is better for you body. You can't actually eat anymore on  top of what you've eaten if you are full so you've got to choose what to eat in the first place. The healthy food is what keeps you going and the junk food is your suffering.

Healthy food includes: spending time with those we love, exercise, doing the things we enjoy, focusing on what we have. Junk food includes: focusing on our problems, isolating ourselves from people, not doing anything we enjoy, focusing on what we don't have. I try to add different examples for you but if you don't get it or it's not very good, just humour me, just pretend you understand, thank you. Does anyone eat healthy food all the time? (Now I am actually talking about food). To answer that question: Heck no! While you can have it most of the time sometimes you do eat that cake or chocolate or a heavy meal or any other form of junk food. It's the same with life we all have the "junk food" sometimes.

We are not perfect. This is a 2019 realisation I am sure. We are not perfect. I had to say that again in bold. We go through struggles. We go through struggles. Everybody experiences suffering of some kind. Everybody experiences suffering of some kind. You need to accept that you will suffer in this life. You need to accept that you will suffer in this life. There is a reason I put it in bold and wrote it twice. That last point is what most people avoid - accepting suffering. You don't want to tell people that they are going to suffer because isn't everything about life meant to be amazing all the time! Get over your hard times, see the sunshine! Er no that's not that easy.

If you can't accept that at times you are going to suffer when you start suffering it will hit you even harder. By suffering it could be anything from words people say to you that hurt, or abuse of any kind or financial difficulty or breakups or losing anything from a person, to an object, to a job. I am sure you can find many examples of suffering. You can make a list now of all the times you have suffered, it happens and it will keep happening.

This is what I wrote so you can think about it:
We are not perfect,
We go through struggles,
Everybody experiences suffering of some kind,
You will need to accept that you will suffer in this life. 

That is what you have to realise. Life is great sometimes and it can be hard too and sometimes this is because of our own doing or things that happen to us. If you expect to live a life where nothing bad will happen - I am just about to ruin your 2019 - bad things are going to happen sometimes.

We have become a world of hide your pain and put on a brave face and because of this some people's suffering goes unnoticed. I am not saying walk around with a sad face all day and let everyone know something is up with you. There is a time to be strong but there is also a time to share our suffering. That's it, everyone gets a free batch of suffering for reading this blog post - sharing is caring right? That's not the kind of sharing I had in mind. The only way you are going to deal with things is to deal with them. Not to hide from them or to pretend it's not there or to pretend everything is ok. Certainly some things you need to work out on your own or only share with those you want to but if you are living in a loop of suffering and it's just not working you need to to something about it.

The reality about people is like the quote :  The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You have just got to find the ones worth suffering for.  ~ Bob Marley

The reality about life is things aren't always going to go as planned and there are going to be times of suffering and surprises we didn't expect and I don't mean the good kind of surprises. 

The only problem about suffering is the length of it. Sometimes it's short and only lasts a few hours or a day and sometimes it goes on for days, months, years. Yes sometimes things will hurt for a while but it's up to us how long we prolong this hurt. How long we allow ourselves to suffer. The only person that can bring you out of your suffering is you. How long are you going to let yourself suffer? It takes time to feel good again sometimes but it does happen only if you take the steps to make it happen. 

Suffering can also be a gift sometimes. It's through our trials that we grow. It's through our suffering that we learn to appreciate when things go right because we know what it's like to experience things when they go wrong. Some of the best stories and autobiographies are because people learnt from their suffering and their suffering made them a stronger or better person. That makes you feel great doesn't it, suffering will make me strong - yay! Actually no quite the opposite. No one wants to go through the hard times at all but you are going to go through them.

You aren't going to have it all. You may have a lot of what you want in your life but you will never have absolutely everything you want out of life. You are going to have to face some harsh truths about yourself or what you expect from life. You are going to fail if haven't already, you will fail at something. You are not going to be happy all time. You are going to be disappointed. You are going to be let down. 

Maybe now you are thinking but I have done well at some things and not failed and I have got things I want out of life and I have felt happy and I have been disappointed but I have also had things go my way and I have been let down by people but I have also been helped by people. See there is still good in your life even with the suffering. 

While many think about dieting, think about the diet you need to live life. Eat the healthy food. Sometimes you will be eating junk food too and that's ok. We all can feel hurt sometimes. What's not ok is letting it control your life. Don't let it control you, you must control it.

I wrote this on my twitter recently: You make choices every day. And sometimes it isn't your fault when certain things happen but you choose how you are going to respond. We are responsible for our happiness.

We are responsible but if you think you are going to be happy all the time, you aren't but you can choose where your focus is.

Think about it, you have just suffered now. Yes you have. You have been suffering this whole blog post by reading this junk but sometimes we have to put up with the junk. I hope in the midst of this blog post you've got something out of it. I do believe that you can live your best life but even the best life doesn't come without suffering.

We have all experienced different amounts and different levels of suffering. Some experience it daily. I don't know what you've been through in your life. I am sure you have had really difficult times. You may be going through some hard times right now. Sometimes things take longer than others to deal with. There are hard things that happen and sometimes you carry them with you. Sometimes you have scars. I just hope that whatever you are dealing with or dealt with you aren't letting it define your life. There will be times when you look back on your suffering and it still hurts but don't let it stop you living your life. If you need to share your suffering share it. If you see someone suffering maybe they need help.

Thanks for reading and if you would like to suffer through anymore of my blog posts feel free to look around.

Just found this quote to add to this post:
Although the world is full of suffering. It is also full of the overcoming of it. ~ Helen Keller

I keep adding a bit more to this blog post... I have got through many things in my life through prayer, God's help, reading the bible and taking steps in the right direction. You may or may not have a belief in God but I do. Whatever you do in life, don't dwell on your suffering because there are so many good things waiting for you beyond your suffering. God's got great plans for us.

With that I shall love and leave you,
Until I write again,
Nicola Hill