Suffering

Happy 2019! I thought I would start my first blog post of 2019 with the title "Suffering". What a great way to start a new blog post for the new year! That word really brings such warmth and makes you feel great. It's like a hot drink on a cold night. I don't really believe that by the way, it's not a word that inspires warmth but it is necessary. Most of what people write in the new year are things like new year, new you! You can do anything! Reach for the stars! Or whatever. Then you get someone like me talking about suffering. You're welcome. Nothing like a bit of a depressing topic to start the new year off. As I say with most of my blog posts you just have to keep reading. I hope my blog posts actually don't depress you. I don't consider this a depressing topic actually and if you keep reading you may find out why.

Let's hope everyone has the year their social media shows most of the time - life is great and there is no trouble and they just have fun. Wow amazing. A trouble free life, people living it up. We all know though this is not the reality sometimes. It's the same outside of social media - in this place called the world. People who are struggling do that thing where they put on a "brave face". They will smile at people, they will act normal whatever their normal is, meanwhile they don't feel it. Or it could be that someone is openly going through a tough time and you can see they are struggling and seem down about life.

Well you know life is to be lived! That might make you want to slap me at this point. I actually just wrote that to be annoying because I know it is annoying. You don't want to hear that kind of stuff when you are not feeling it. All this positive rubbish. You might feel a bit concerned where this blog post going. Am I going to tell people to be comfortable with being negative, encourage heartache, encourage depression, encourage suffering? Of course.... not.

When you suffer it's like someone bringing you a healthy meal but you are already full of all the junk food you have been eating. Both forms of food fill you up but one is better for you body. You can't actually eat anymore on  top of what you've eaten if you are full so you've got to choose what to eat in the first place. The healthy food is what keeps you going and the junk food is your suffering.

Healthy food includes: spending time with those we love, exercise, doing the things we enjoy, focusing on what we have. Junk food includes: focusing on our problems, isolating ourselves from people, not doing anything we enjoy, focusing on what we don't have. I try to add different examples for you but if you don't get it or it's not very good, just humour me, just pretend you understand, thank you. Does anyone eat healthy food all the time? (Now I am actually talking about food). To answer that question: Heck no! While you can have it most of the time sometimes you do eat that cake or chocolate or a heavy meal or any other form of junk food. It's the same with life we all have the "junk food" sometimes.

We are not perfect. This is a 2019 realisation I am sure. We are not perfect. I had to say that again in bold. We go through struggles. We go through struggles. Everybody experiences suffering of some kind. Everybody experiences suffering of some kind. You need to accept that you will suffer in this life. You need to accept that you will suffer in this life. There is a reason I put it in bold and wrote it twice. That last point is what most people avoid - accepting suffering. You don't want to tell people that they are going to suffer because isn't everything about life meant to be amazing all the time! Get over your hard times, see the sunshine! Er no that's not that easy.

If you can't accept that at times you are going to suffer when you start suffering it will hit you even harder. By suffering it could be anything from words people say to you that hurt, or abuse of any kind or financial difficulty or breakups or losing anything from a person, to an object, to a job. I am sure you can find many examples of suffering. You can make a list now of all the times you have suffered, it happens and it will keep happening.

This is what I wrote so you can think about it:
We are not perfect,
We go through struggles,
Everybody experiences suffering of some kind,
You will need to accept that you will suffer in this life. 

That is what you have to realise. Life is great sometimes and it can be hard too and sometimes this is because of our own doing or things that happen to us. If you expect to live a life where nothing bad will happen - I am just about to ruin your 2019 - bad things are going to happen sometimes.

We have become a world of hide your pain and put on a brave face and because of this some people's suffering goes unnoticed. I am not saying walk around with a sad face all day and let everyone know something is up with you. There is a time to be strong but there is also a time to share our suffering. That's it, everyone gets a free batch of suffering for reading this blog post - sharing is caring right? That's not the kind of sharing I had in mind. The only way you are going to deal with things is to deal with them. Not to hide from them or to pretend it's not there or to pretend everything is ok. Certainly some things you need to work out on your own or only share with those you want to but if you are living in a loop of suffering and it's just not working you need to to something about it.

The reality about people is like the quote :  The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You have just got to find the ones worth suffering for.  ~ Bob Marley

The reality about life is things aren't always going to go as planned and there are going to be times of suffering and surprises we didn't expect and I don't mean the good kind of surprises. 

The only problem about suffering is the length of it. Sometimes it's short and only lasts a few hours or a day and sometimes it goes on for days, months, years. Yes sometimes things will hurt for a while but it's up to us how long we prolong this hurt. How long we allow ourselves to suffer. The only person that can bring you out of your suffering is you. How long are you going to let yourself suffer? It takes time to feel good again sometimes but it does happen only if you take the steps to make it happen. 

Suffering can also be a gift sometimes. It's through our trials that we grow. It's through our suffering that we learn to appreciate when things go right because we know what it's like to experience things when they go wrong. Some of the best stories and autobiographies are because people learnt from their suffering and their suffering made them a stronger or better person. That makes you feel great doesn't it, suffering will make me strong - yay! Actually no quite the opposite. No one wants to go through the hard times at all but you are going to go through them.

You aren't going to have it all. You may have a lot of what you want in your life but you will never have absolutely everything you want out of life. You are going to have to face some harsh truths about yourself or what you expect from life. You are going to fail if haven't already, you will fail at something. You are not going to be happy all time. You are going to be disappointed. You are going to be let down. 

Maybe now you are thinking but I have done well at some things and not failed and I have got things I want out of life and I have felt happy and I have been disappointed but I have also had things go my way and I have been let down by people but I have also been helped by people. See there is still good in your life even with the suffering. 

While many think about dieting, think about the diet you need to live life. Eat the healthy food. Sometimes you will be eating junk food too and that's ok. We all can feel hurt sometimes. What's not ok is letting it control your life. Don't let it control you, you must control it.

I wrote this on my twitter recently: You make choices every day. And sometimes it isn't your fault when certain things happen but you choose how you are going to respond. We are responsible for our happiness.

We are responsible but if you think you are going to be happy all the time, you aren't but you can choose where your focus is.

Think about it, you have just suffered now. Yes you have. You have been suffering this whole blog post by reading this junk but sometimes we have to put up with the junk. I hope in the midst of this blog post you've got something out of it. I do believe that you can live your best life but even the best life doesn't come without suffering.

We have all experienced different amounts and different levels of suffering. Some experience it daily. I don't know what you've been through in your life. I am sure you have had really difficult times. You may be going through some hard times right now. Sometimes things take longer than others to deal with. There are hard things that happen and sometimes you carry them with you. Sometimes you have scars. I just hope that whatever you are dealing with or dealt with you aren't letting it define your life. There will be times when you look back on your suffering and it still hurts but don't let it stop you living your life. If you need to share your suffering share it. If you see someone suffering maybe they need help.

Thanks for reading and if you would like to suffer through anymore of my blog posts feel free to look around.

Just found this quote to add to this post:
Although the world is full of suffering. It is also full of the overcoming of it. ~ Helen Keller

I keep adding a bit more to this blog post... I have got through many things in my life through prayer, God's help, reading the bible and taking steps in the right direction. You may or may not have a belief in God but I do. Whatever you do in life, don't dwell on your suffering because there are so many good things waiting for you beyond your suffering. God's got great plans for us.

With that I shall love and leave you,
Until I write again,
Nicola Hill